Wreslemania

God’s been breaking my heart down. In chapel Mark Job’s sermon on Jacob was so true for me. I was the schemer and planner. I was trying to control my own destiny over and over again. Through my own means, I had been relying on the gifts and strengths given to me by God instead of relying on God. Jacob wrestled God, or preincarnate Jesus, all night and wouldn’t let him go.

That was the challenge for me because all summer God has been telling me “Sam, I am enough for you.” And I would always say, “OK, I get it, lesson learned, now let’s move on.” Slowly I’ve been getting it. “Ok, God I’ve forgotten what you saved me from, I’m sorry.” Then school started and it really hit me. I have been trying to get the things I want and perhaps that God has planned for me by my own strength and talents. I rely on how good I am and try to get things through my own scheming plans, just like Jacob.

Jacob wrestled Jesus and wouldn’t let go even when he was in pain. This was the turning point, his name was changed to Israel and he never tried to scheme on his own anymore. He wanted Jesus more than anything in his life, he was willing to go through the pain instead of scheming and taking his own plan.

In chapel God said “I am enough.” I’m scared but I’m letting go of my own plans and self reliance. I don’t know God’s immediate plans for my life and that ‘s scary. I honestly don’t want to wait for God to direct me into a relationship, or school. I’d rather have my pick. I’d rather rely on my intelligence, looks, gifts, to be successful. It means I have to give up my dreams, it means I have to wait for God to give me something rather than rush to get something I want. I’m giving up and I’m going to cling to Jesus no matter what. It’s scary because it looks like so many opportunities are passing me by. I’ve got to believe though, I’ve got to really believe that God knows what’s best.